Reality Check

For the last three years, I’ve worked on my first attempt at writing a fictional novel. In January 2019, I completed the first draft. Two friends volunteered to read it, and they both had similar opinions.

They liked the overall theme, but they stated it lacked character development and world-building. One said I didn’t give him a reason to follow the protagonist beyond the first chapter. Ouch! The other remarked that chapters got bogged down with detail, and it lost any identifying storyline. Double Ouch!

I put the manuscript on the virtual shelf and attempted to refocus my writing. About the same time, a critique writing group invited me to join. (If you never took part in a critique group, I highly recommend them.) Rather than tackle the fiction manuscript, I rewrote my first book, One Month, 20 Days, and a Wake Up. Once I finished that project, I came back to tackle the fiction manuscript.

After three chapters with the group, I was getting the same response as I had back in 2019. One individual referred to my chapters as nothing but an ‘information dump.’ Information dump! What is that? Then I read a blog post by K.M. Allan entitled “5 Ways to Avoid Information Dumping.” https://kmallan.com/2021/02/19/5-ways-to-avoid-info-dumping/ Ah, huh, the light bulb came on.

Christopher Cervelloni, my editor with Blue Square Writer’s Group, didn’t call it ‘information dump.’ His classic example: “Sam drove home, got out of his car, walked to the front porch, unlocked the door, and entered the house.” He said, the reader can figure it out if you write, “Sam returned home.” I realize this is an overly simplified example. But it points out that as writers, we insult our readers when we overtly give them unsolicited detail (information dump).

Please use the link above to read the full post of Ms. Allan. In summary, she states the five most common mistakes and how to recognize the ‘info. dump.’:

1. Check the Starts
2. Manage the Monologuing
3. Drip It In and Stretch It Out
4. Fine-Tune the Dialogue
5. Make It Relevant

To show (hopefully) that I understand and have corrected my ‘info. Dump’ here is an example from my text; before and after.

Before:

“It was typical for funeral homes to have an apartment attached somewhere. Someone had to answer the phones twenty-four – seven. For our place, we lived in the apartment on the second floor. Our apartment was a two-bedrooms, one bath, a small living room/dining room combination. The kitchen was barely a kitchen, but Mom made use of what she had.

It was common for the funeral homes to resemble a southern colonial mansion. Ours was a white colonial with two-story pillars on either side of the entrance. The downstairs was larger than the upstairs. As you entered the main foyer…”

“The Chapel was located off to the right of the reception area and would seat one-hundred comfortably….”

“Off the foyer in the opposite direction of the chapel were two offices. One we used as our business office and Dad used the other as his office and where he brought families to make their arrangements….”

“Growing up, I had several classmates who had a morbid curiosity. To stop their stupid questions, I would tell them about the ghost or the dead bodies who walked around at night. Most the time that prevented them from bugging me…”

Even with the above, there was more detail that I spared you from reading. It is so obvious now, but when I wrote it, I thought most people knew nothing about the funeral homes and it was my job to educate them. Mm, something wrong with this picture.

After:

“I grew up living above the funeral home. I never thought it was odd living where I did. Several of my friends lived in the same building as their family-owned business. But there were those classmates who had a morbid curiosity. When they bothered me too much, I’d whisper in their ear, “The other night, I saw a ghost crawl out of the casket and walked out the front door.” Their eyes would get big, and their mouth hung open. It usually shut them up when they realized I was pulling their leg…”

I’m apprehensive to read the new chapters to my critique group. Hopefully, they will approve of the changes. Leave me a comment if you think I’ve got it. Don’t be shy telling me I still need to work on it.